If wings could fly

Notice how people are saying  kids these days are ungrateful and heartless? What if it wasnt just because of us.  I mean it does take two hands  to clap no?

All my life Ive hardly ever talked about my family  except to close friends.  Cause well my family's level of disfunctional is just on a different  scale on its own.  I wont dwell on each and every member of them screw ups that is except the more major one.  Mom.  

You see most people love or even adore their mothers.  As well,  mothers are usually the first person you will share or discuss life issues  with ie:  Your first crush,  first date,  fashion sense, first job interview.  Not mine though.  My mother, (notice  how I dont even call mom)  has never been apart of my life.  All she ever did was gave birth to me, and just appearing for the sake of pictures on family  occasion.  Shes  the type of parent that knows absolutely nothing about my interest.  And well I know this  everytime she buys me food or things. And instead of being the supportive pillar to your child she's  the kind to trash talk you,  make you feel like shit and unwanted,  to always be cautious  of peoples intentions cause the worlds a nasty place.  Well shes the only nasty I know. So yeah my mother would probably be the last person in my life I would tell a single farting to.   Which is kinda sad.  

Thats not the only factor to be honest.  I have a child for a mother.  Perhaps in the past she was okay or maybe she seemed matured for that time.  But these days she's  so childish I feel like the mom instead.  Someone has to be.  Yet when I try to get her out of bed or get her to attend Her gatherings she makes it like Im a tyrant.  And everytime she will say how ungrateful  of a child i am that i dont deserve being born and all sort of self pity things she says about herself.  I dont know,  I guess Ive reached a point Im so used to hearing this I couldn't  care less about it anymore.  Id say Im not emotionally attached to her.  Why should I?  She never played any significant  role in my life.  Yes I know we forgive and we forget.  But whats there to forgive when there was nothing to bother about in the first place? 

I know this sounds heartless and even cold,  but if I ever turn out to be a selfish self centered bitch I would say its because of her.  Whos gona look out for me if it aint me? All my 18 years I've been living like this.  And well most of the time I just bear with her presence to keep my mental peace.  So yeah if wings could fly,  I honestly  cant wait to graduate get a job get my place and get the hell away.  I know this sounds like a typical teenager but you dont know her.  Shes toxic.

Im so disgusted by all her childish  ways I dont see how I can respect her.  Like how can you respect someone with no responsibility no courtesy no common sense at all? You cant just walk up to people telling them they are shit.  Like who dahell do you think you are?  Unless of course I am supossed to make all those qualities my role models I dont think  so.  So no,  you  cant earn my respect just by giving birth  to me.  Anyone could give birth,  but it takes real effort to be a mother.  You dont just sit there expecting  someone to do it for you.  The truth hurts,  but sometimes you just have to wake up and accept the facts.  Life is not a dream or a bed of roses.  So Im sorry I cant love you.  You gave me no reason to.  I need more than that.  And frankly I think its too late to be showering me with mere words.