Something in the air.

Theres just this excitement in the air I cant really describe it. Today marks the first day of trials. And I was so stressed and tired due to burning the midnight oil I actually screamed at my bestie when she called me during recess witha bowl of soup in my hands. It was crazy.
Even I didnt know myself. It was like I could see everything floating by but I couldnt feel, just lost contact with the world. And Its only the first day! What about the next 14 days?
Damn.
And When I got back, I was so hungry and sleepy( that bowl of soup left me growling) I didnt know which to choose first. So I ended up sleeping from 2.30 - 5.00pm with Fall Out Boy and Secondhand Seranade playing in the background. Had lunch for dinner instead and I've been online watching old movies lol. I feel so F-ed up.

But theres something Im looking forward to. I dont know who he'll be and I dont know when, but I do know after this udjnsmx SPM is over Im so going to the beach or hiking with my guy or a few friends. Im gona work my ass off all this SPM fats Im gaining from all the stress binge. Talk about motivation. HEAH!

Lifeless me

I have trials for SPM in almost a DAY. And its gona go one for 3 weeks. This is probably  the turning point for me. That is whatever results I get for this test would determine my forecast result and even the possibility of me applying for any scholarships or January intake for college. *Fingers cross* So yea I should be seriously studying my ass right now. But surprisingly I actually feel more excited for the test even though I havent finish studyimg. Odd right?

Instead Im just here procrastinationg my time watching video after video after videos on youtube. Sigh . What am I gona do with myself?
Ok that sounds wrong. So anyway, Im loading a movie right now called : Stolen Women captured hearts.
And yes im a sucker for romance, especially the historical ones. The Red indian Cheif dude here is so hot he got me fangirling like : omhnfcxhjnmfdcxnm

Some times I wish I was captured by that Red Indian Cheif dude. I dont mind serving him no doubt haha. OK back to watching the movie. Tata lovelies!

Never Have I Ever

Remember playing the game  "Never Have I ever"?  that Im sure many of us played in our early teenage years. Well for the topic today, We're gona hear about, Never have I EVER met someone like this.

So I have this classmate of mine whom Really annoys the sh*t out of me. Forgive my language but Hes the type of guy that always talked like a "know it all" and " Holier than thou" kind even at times when he's wrong. Its such a pain. But out of all the other jerks in the class, hes the one I usually am myself with. Its like He can criticise me and I'll just be like Idon't giva F. Cause I really dont, And
since he criticise everyone else too his judments doesnt bother me.

Hes Birthday was coming up soon so I was (God Bless my Soul) planning to give him a surprise birthday wish considering him a "friend " and all. I always had a weakness for birthdays.
And there he comes out of the Blue, like literally randomly blue, asking me to get him a Loomband.
What do you take me for ? Santa ? I cant just produce a silly Loomband out of nowhere. Sides I dont even believe in them, I rather find them as a waste of money time and effort.

But his buggations( yes thats a new word i created for myself) itself just made me agree to it.God knows why I even said yes. He had to use the birthday card. So oh well fine I went round asking everyone I knew who made this stuff after extra class. It was pretty late. And then when I actually showed him some of the choices he picked 1. That was before he found out they cost 5$. And after that he picked 3  and asked me to pay for him. As a birthday present.It would be a cheap present he said. Well  Its not like I have a lot of cash either.  I was just like:
Freeze.
Dude
Just Freeze.

Never have I ever come across a guy who made a girl pay for his things and used it as a birthday present excuse.I mean its cute or whatever if you choose to see it in a different light but Its kinda being really thicked Skin at the same time.  I mean ethical wise, aren't you supposed to be the gentleman?  To hold the door for the lady, Pay her drinks and pull her chair for her?
Its guys like these that really make you wonder:
What in the goodness name has happened to the world.

EVOLVE

Ever Heard of Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution?
Well Im not one to agree or disagree with it but lets just leave that boggling discussion to the Scientist for now. 

Now on to the the real thing. Theres always this theory in life where they say "Evolve or Die" In which a case many species have changed their physical characteristics for the adaptation of survival. I know Im starting to sound like a biology nerd right now, but just bear with me.. 

Over the years I've seen my mom as one of the strongest person in my life. She has overcomed a great many hurdles that even I think would be humanly impossible. What with numerous surgeries of fibroids in her womb and such. She was a child of 10 siblings and they probably did not have enough nutrition at that time. But yet she strived for a better life and a better education. In later years she was the only one in her family to be a professional and yea she became the pilar of the family. Should you ever have a problem, Find my mom LOL. That was the joke we used to say. 

Even through my early childhood I recall her dressing me up for kindergarden cooking breakfast ,  going to work , cooking lunch and dinner, and even picking my dad up occasionally from the airport. My dad used to travel a lot those days.She seemed like a Wonderwoman Marvel clone. So it seemed like it was just Me Mom and the world When dad was away.  But as the years passed there it seemed to be a strain on her. And I guess she couldnt take it anymore. No normal person could. She soon collapsed into Major depression.  So it was as if the tables were turned, and it was time for dad to take over. And he did and still is. 

Sometimes I get fustrated when I see her so helpless. To know of the multiple capabilities she used to be able to do and the contrast shes in now. I love her so much and yet that love turns to fustration and dissapointment. Which explains how most of my friends know I have a rocky relationship with her. I wish she would continue evolving and get out of that time capsule shes trapped herself in. I want her to see how I've grown and be proud of  my achievements rather than being more fascinated with the latest Chinese Drama.But if it helps her then oh well, I guess I'll just have to evolve on my own too and keep her somewhere at the back of my mind. 

Dreamers and Unicorns

Its August again….. The month where memories of Him kept flooding in.

                     
There was nothing special about August. Old Ordinary August. Except for the fact that most people mourn the end of summer and the beginning of fall. And yet it was on that faithful August morning Catherine vowed to herself she has discovered true love. Or at least the rough sketch of it, even if it was nothing but a figment of her imagination.

She was always known to be a dreamer. With her head in the clouds it was no surprise if she walked into a pole or any object in particular on a daily basis. Her mother swore that Cath , as she was called, is a hazard to herself. Nevertheless Cath seemed unbreakable not even by her mother’s harsh judgements. The smell of promise hung in the air, this August seemed like a different one she told herself, or so she thought….

“KNOCK! Knock! “  In that split moment Cath was pulled back into reality. Realising the stinging pain in her chest, it was none other than her annual reminder of the boy that stole her heart.  “Sweetheart Are you studying? Finals are round the corner!”  It was bad. This constant trailing of thoughts were going to be Cath’s destruction. “Yes Dad. Just taking a breather. I’ve been on Calculus all day now. “
That was it. Cath told herself she needed a new destraction. Scratch that. Motivativation.

It really didn’t help what with His name being so common. They called him Dan  . Bus most of the time he preferred Augustine. There was always something about that name that made him seem …. What was the word again? …… Immaculately rough and raw  in every aspect. There was nothing about his background that contributed to it, rather it was just the essence of him. It could fill an entire penthouse leaving you starstruck.

That was how she found him. Or rather he found her. Well not exactly but you get the picture.

Jennifer the class Barbie was hosting a pool party at her place. No one ever got invited to these events that were considered “elite” as I should put it. Not unless….. Jennifer wanted something in return be it socially or even  materialistically.
“Hey there Cath whatcha doing girrrrlfriend! You are Cath something right?”
“Umm yea Hi Jen”
One certainly had to be joking. Cath was beyond humoured at Jennifer’s fakeness.
“Sigh….Oh well I guess its gona be one of those nights”
She rolled her eyes as she said this expecting just one of those usual ‘popular in crowd’ get together where everyone just making their way to getting more attention. Attention seekers were what Cath called them. And there was one in particular that could just be  Hercules of the Narcissist. Ironic but true. The Legendary Dan Spencer.

   

          In the midst of her idle thoughts, she caught Dan with his casual folly with a group of girls. They meant nothing to him. Apparently everything meant nothing to him. She hated guys like these. Always thought to be cold hearted players she reminded herself that he’s imaginery. That was the only remedy she could find to protect her of his charms. They were too good even for an independent feminists as herself. There were probably limits to ones power perhaps as there always was a limit to everything.

Dan Spencer did try his so called ‘luck’ on Cath. Perhaps hoping to add her to his list of broken hearts. He was famous for that. He prided himself as the ‘Heartbreaker’. It seemed to add popularity to every girl he crushes.
“Yes Dan I know you exist”
“Well love its about time, you know Im not gona be here all day” That mischievous school boy smile was on his face it made Cath’s blood boil. Infurated her. “That self obsessed pig. I’VE SEEN BETTER GUYS” 
“oh really ? well you haven’t seen one like me *wink* “
“Get a life Dan”
“Darling you are my life”

Dan was such a flirt. There was no doubt about that. And she hated herself for shivering when he used endearments.
“Snap out of it Cath. He’s not serious. He doesn’t care. And he never will“  With that last word of self assurance, Cath walked to the kitchen to have a nip of Jennifer’s refrigerator.

“Sneaky girl.”
“OMG! Can you not do that?? What is wrong with you? I told you to get a life. Im sure there are many gils there you can entertain yourself with. “
“Someone’s touchy. Hmmmm Interesting. Get me some Ice cream too.”
“No.”
“Come on beautiful, sharing is caring. Give a fella some ice cream. You can’t be such a tyrant.”
“NO”
“Alright then if you insist. You asked for it......." 
There was a sense of danger in his tone it made her spine shiver to its core.
                                              
*To be continued......*

Nightmares

 Its common knowledge among Malaysians (Thats where I come from) the teenagers approaching the age of 18 will be selected fro National Service. In short NS or PLKN in its native language. Most people pray for it but 85% of the population would like to differ with this. Including me. As you can guess yes I was one of the "Lucky" ones to get selected. This was not what I planned *Sobs*

Now Im not trying to be a ninny here or anything.Fine so what if I got selected. If I have to then it just cant be helped. But to be honest I was planning to work part time at my favourite boutique store while waiting my results after graduation. It could pay for my expenses for half the year.

I have accepted that If this is what God has laid for me theres no escaping. Though it doesnt mean Im happy with it. I am not. fullstop. And it doesnt help when "Holy " people start posting on the net about them "Feeling Blessed"  as to them not being selected for the Training.
Like EXCUSE YOU.  Are you trying to imply that Only those who arent selected are blessed? So what about the ones who are ? Are you calling us the cursed?

The news about this was already bad enough with SPM Trials coming in just a weeks time. And what with all my depressing Teenage dramatic life. I certainly did not need people like that making me feel worse than shit than I already am.

NOTE: If you wish to rejoice on your good luck go ahead. I am not there to stop you or be a sour grape. Just please. Be happy without uttering useless bullcraps that coincides or involves the opposing party. It is'nt very humane as you're literally Shooting a man when he's drowning. If you cant help, just please do us a favour and shut your hole. Thank you.