Night Changes

Aint It funny how life never really turns out the way we expect it to be? 2015 is almost over considering September is ending and to be honest I never would have pictured things would turn out the way it did. Many of you have been asking me why I never updated my blog, and truth be told the only answer I can finally give would be that , maybe somehow, by not blogging about it, things wouldnt seem true. I know Im in denial but then........

To be honest, Life has taught me much more in these past months than it did for my past 17 years of existence. You could say that 2015 has been more like a disaster year for me. There were so many changes and they all had to come all at once. First off, lets see mom retired so we moved to another state where my parents bought a house there away from Penang from my friends from everything I called home. Complete Desolution.

 Then,  I graduated High school meaning I am to attend college or lower six. My choice would have been lower six but.....since I would rather be in upper 6 in Penang and my parents already moved meaning I have no place to stay in penang, I went for Matrics. Yup. I signed myself a warrant to hell. No doubt I met some people who opened my eyes to life, they were interesting people, yet theres  still this hole in your heart that never really fills up when your with people you grew up with. That feeling of comfort and security. Going to matrics , I've started seeing the world in a new light. Its sad that my idea of humanity is completely altered. It shook me off my innocence that people would look out for you or that  people are doing it cause they care. When in truth, over there it's so realistic whereby nothing is done unless it benefits them. Its all ambition, fame and out shining each other. If this were school I think I would still survive cause I get to leave matrics at matrics and relax after school hours. But no. Its Matrics where after class hours you're still in hell and theres no break from it unless its mid sem break. Even that Matrics still haunts us with holiday homeworks and assignments promising to affect our fragile CGPAs. Will you give us a break already?!?

Next, you would think oh well how bad can it get? OH hahaha I was so wrong to question that. Remind me never to ever ask for the worst. Cause soon after I went to Matrics I lost my closest friend whom I happen to be very attached to. At that time I was still settling in and maybe  I guess I got too caught up trying to settle myself I forgot about him. He got annoyed at me somehow, and we havent been talking ever since. Its almost 4 months since we spoke, Why am I even counting? Its not supposed to matter. Thing is I did try to solve things after I got my shit together, but I guess it was too late. He didnt want to explain, just shut me out completely. I know we're living different lives but still, what kind of person ends a friendship with:

 " We're going our separate ways it would be better if you stop forcing a conversation cause its gona be more awkward"

LIKE DAFUQ. You dont shut your best friend out , completely stop talking to them and treating them like complete stranger and then replacing them with other people while rubbing it in their faces with no explainations whatsoever. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND IS THAT?
I never thought someone like him could ever do something like this. Honestly. And to me of all persons. There you just wrecked me and tore whatever's left of my tattered heart into dust. Are you happy? Whats worse is that there's so many reminders of him everywhere. HALF OF MY ROOM is filled with the things he gave me. Christmas presents, birthday presents, souveniers. He was sweet like that. I cant even wear my dresses cause every dress ever worth wearing was worn with him. Now all I wear are leggings and oversized tees. My parents think im a potatoe sack.
I dont know I just give up trying to understand people anymore.

But then from all this mess I think the one thing I really learned from life this year is that, true friends are the ones who are there for you in your darkest, they wouldnt mind hearing you cry over the phone no matter how far apart you are or how long you guys will end up talking.And it doesnt matter how long you havent met each other cause when you do, Its like you never left in the first place. And thats REMEDY to the soul. Remedy indeed.

I am gratful that in all this ship wreck, I had some pretty awesome people like my two awesome Baes M and H to back me up. For all those weekend calls they gave while I was alone in campus rotting depressingly. I dont know what I would do without them.

Life was really hard on me this year I supposee, but I did learn a lot. Was the pain worth it? Was it necessary? I dont know, and I dont want to find out. I know things wont be the same again but we cant determine what happened and we sure as hell cant change it. So do I carry on as if nothing happened? Perhaps. But how do I when Everything happened. So here you have it Eunice Catherine Jane Andrews, a lil shattered, a lot tattered, older and harder than before. Goodbye childish innocence, Reality hits.