A glimpse Oh Happiness

 So where do I begin? Do you ever find yourself searching for something and well it just never turns up? That's how it's been for me since well as long as I can remember.

So all this while I've been hoping for Mr Darcy to fall from the sky when he was actually there and I was well as cliche as it sounds, too prejudiced to see it. Sometimes I really feel like kicking myself in the nuts, then I remember I have none. And to think I could have had this happiness the whole time rather than the doubts and emptiness hoping and wishing, waiting and wondering. I feel like such an idiot.

It was so random and unexpected that we actually went out. And after everything, I find myself asking why didnt I allow myself this sooner? So this was what I was missing all along... It felt magical and I simple cant put it into words. Cause for the first time I  actually felt like a princess. With the rain and the December air, everything was just hmmmn :)

But just when I actually found something, of course the universe has to come and interfere. This happens just when Im leaving in exactly 1 week. I was ready to go, packed my bags and all my supplies, and now... he's just the reason why I want to stay... How can I even go now? Why am I such a mess?? Oh if only I wasnt so dumb. This would be one of the things I want to change back in time.

Im scared I'd hurt leaving, then Im scared I'd hurt more when I come back if things are different. I just don't know. Why can't I have a little more of this? Just a little more for my fairytale 17 to end. I need a tissue now.